My road needs repaving :)

So I have begun dating again, as of 2 months ago or something. The first person I went out with was a beautiful Asian hippie who played guitar. He was great, but the timing wasn't right (for him). Since then its been a rough road. I don't know if I am being TOO picky, or picky enough with some bad luck. Maybe I should just stop dating again and be lonely like I was. It was far easier. No one to come home to and get a kiss or have dinner made, but also no one to make my anxiety kick in, make my heart hurt or make me frustrated and concerned that I need to change things. My hopes were that during the time I wasn't dating at all someone would have stumbled across my path and it would have just been right. Oh well, I'm not dead yet. Plus the fact that at this point I could care less if I have kids (or really actually get married) then I don't have much of a timeline to follow.

In other news After years of never being invited to any wedding I have an invite to one and I was asked to be a bridesmaid in another. It makes me feel some kind of way, since I hate marriage and think it's stupid, but I'll play along none the less. A coworker is getting married in a couple of months. I am allowed a guest, and I don't know what to do about that. I tentatively offered the spot to Ida, or I could go alone (since I have no automatic placeholder at this time). Ugh, I don't know. I will be Ida's bridesmaid in Autumn 2011. Hopefully it's not an issue that I am totally offering opinions and ideas with stuff. I haven't seen her roll her eyes at me yet :) It's fun to help plan, and in the end I do hope that getting married will be good for Ida and Heidy. I don't have faith for any one's marriage, but not everyone gets divorced.

I want to take a modern (or ballet) class this fall, but for the first time my weight makes me concerned. I had a killer bout of constant anxiety for about a month and a half, which helped me lose almost 10 pounds. I guess I need to get anxious again. I feel helpless sometimes. It's soo hard to get back on track, and I hate that I have no drive for anything. I'm still working on how to fix that.

Life is fine, despite the fact that I bitch about it all. There's great things like Ginger Root Bubble tea, cupcakes and friends!